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MiniBlogs 8 - Victim Mentality

Updated: Oct 25, 2022

Having negative associations with money is a real blocker to your progress in life I have learned.

Fear - that money causes arguments or can be taken off you.

Worry - that you're never going to make enough of it

Stress - that life will be awful if you haven't got enough, leaving you vulnerable, miserable & scared - I've felt this many many times over my life.

Guilt - that other people haven't got any or as much as you

Embarrassed - that you'll be branded a show off if you make a success of your business & earn lots of money

Ashamed that your partner clearly earns more / less than you so you / he / she is branded a goal digger / only with you for the money / sponging off you / too good for you / out of your league etc etc

Things people say like; "Its alright for her because..."

"I'll never be able to afford that he's so lucky he inherited from his parents"

"Get him to pay, he can afford it"

"She must be doing alright look at her new car"

"She must be really struggling she's got a job and has to run a business on the side"

"I've got nothing since he left me"

"She's not got anything to worry about her husband is loaded"

"She only has to work for pin money she's got everything she could ever want already"

"Why is she going back to work for so early after having her baby, he needs to get another job instead"

All just thoughts.

Judgy wudgy & ugly.

Just your projected feelings about your current situation onto that person.

Every belief you have has come from somewhere or someone and isn't necessarily factually true.

If you have emerged terribly hurt, bruised & battered from a relationship breakdown you've every right to feel furious, resentful, lost, alone & like you've got nothing & having to start again. Or that you've been betrayed & your trust has been shattered. If someone has stolen from you, a family member perhaps that is immensely painful & a kick in the solar plexus.

But living there, in that emotional state of being used & abused is dangerous.

This is a controversial question:

How many times have you considered not paying for something in a shop, or swapped the ticket over for a cheaper one? Just because you're convinced you deserve it and the shop has plenty of money & they don't need it?

In over 30 years in retail I have caught & spoken with dozens of shoplifters.

They're not all drug taking layabouts.

There's a fair few respectful people with other problems.

Often these are inside jobs, people working for the company they're stealing from because of an overtime dispute or the boss was particularly shitty that week.

They feel they are owed, they have a sense of entitlement, an "up yours" belligerent crusade.

Our thoughts create our feelings that create our actions that create our results.

If your thoughts are getting dark, you will feel the same and these feelings can create behaviours that are out of the ordinary, these can result in major consequences.

Having & maintaining a victim mentality is never going to help you in life.

Think of Aretha Franklin RESPECT, Maya Angelou And Still I Rise and JK Rowling! These women amongst millions of other women had very difficult lives & had every right to feel & behave like victims, blame the world for their lot.

Can you imagine a world without Aretha's beautiful voice, or Maya's emotional poetry & need I say more about Master Potter?!

You have the power in you to reverse unhelpful dialogue that holds you back, & change them to positive energising beliefs that propel you forward.

I'm not saying it's easy!

But as Marie Forleo says "Everything is Figureoutable"

What do you tell yourself

about money, about spending, about budgeting, about your lifestyle?

Is it helpful & does it show that you love & value your life or has it got some bitterness, fear or resentment that is making you feel awful?

I thought I had a very positive mindset towards money but it's not until I started to listen to what I was saying to myself on occasion, that an alarm bell sounded on some things.

"It's alright for her because..." was one of them.

And it wasn't nice, it felt ugly, judgemental & loaded with envy.

Feeling sorry for yourself happens, I feel it sometimes now but it's only fleeting. It's just a thought, here today & gone tomorrow.

Recognise your own inner voice

So I suggest you have a listen to your inner dialogue, the things you say to others and keep a little diary entry on it. It's very interesting when you catch yourself and really important that you DO!

Creating a positive belief system can take time, you may find you need to unravel a lot of life complications before you feel empowered.

I cannot recommend highly enough Marie Forleo's "Everything is Figureoutable" as a great place to start.

You'll see this book a couple of times in my recommendations - yes it's THAT good!

Until next time

Love from

Lucy x

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